Stages of the Infamous Darty

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We are blessed each year with a few warm months, and within those months are beautiful Saturdays that one must take advantage of, because before you know it you’re digging your car out of eight inches of snow (at least I am, here in Chicago). What you do with those Saturdays says a lot about you – you can spend the day hiking (walking), shopping, Netflix and chilling, or…. Dartying.

When you Google the word “darty,” you’ll find that it means “day party.” It’s your excuse to day drink on a porch, blow up a kiddie pool (unless you’re hashtag blessed and have a real pool), and play survival of the fittest… I mean hang out with your friends.

The darty holds multiple stages, especially if you are trying to make it into the hours of the night (God bless your soul).

There are two types of people in the world, people who have perfected the darty, and the rest of us, who are still trying to.

I’ll be honest when I say I’m the worst dartier – and I have references. Either I don’t pace myself and I have to call it a night early, or it’s too hot and I’m hungry, tired and cranky… don’t lie you’ve been there too.

To throw a successful darty you must have snacks, endless amounts of beer (PSA: BYOB people, don’t be a mooch and show up expecting free booze from your friends), decorations (if you’re feeling bougie, which duh we always are), good tunes, and a cool buzz.

We had a fiesta themed darty for my roommate’s birthday last weekend. We went full out with balloons that spelled FIESTA out and lined the back of deck, chips and salsa (and lots of cookies), homemade margaritas with garnishes, great music and tons of entertaining drinking games to keep everyone amused… and here’s what happened.

Stage 1: The Beginning

In the beginning there was beer, weak cocktails and good friends. A few good throwback tracks were sported at a reasonable level and everyone caught up on the latest gossip and news within the friend group. The first hours of the darty attract your good friends who feel obligated to show up at the designated start time you had listed on your Facebook invite – they bring ice, more beer to share, and ping pong balls, because you can never have enough. The time is 2 pm.

Stage 2: Did someone say shots?

The interest in beer has reached its peak and someone found the remainder of the fifth of tequila we used to make the margaritas. You can’t say no to a shot, right? More people have showed up now, and a lot of them have brought strangers. YAY new friends? Pretend to be interesting, and that you’re interested in whatever they’re telling you, because you’re an adult now and this is a requirement. The time is 4 pm.

Stage 3: Survival of the fittest.

A lot of people are ready to tap out. In case you live under a rock, tequila usually takes over and tells you to text your ex, which you do. Pro tip – the only darty magic that exists is when you somehow make it out after drinking before 5pm. Darty magic will not bring you and your ex back together, because your texts won’t make sense… I’m so sorry. Tequila will also bring some conflict among couples who have attended the darty, create slippery fingers that will end with many cracked phone screens, and someone will probably be crying. Morale will be low. Decision time: do you crank up the volume and be the energetic party thrower that makes everyone want to push forward, or do you start calling your friends ubers and telling them to get out? The time is 7 pm.

Stage 4: Munchies

If you’ve decided to continue the party (party on, party girl!) you’ll need to create some sort of substance for your guests. Frozen pizzas do wonders – they cook quickly and no one ever complains about free pizza (if they do reevaluate your friends immediately). Some will leave the party, and some will continue on. We have now entered the hours of the night, and all I can say is good luck to you as you start sobering up and realize how your home now looks like a dump – because some idiot decided to take a bite out of all of your apples and spit them on the floor (yup, this did happen). The time is 8 pm.

Stage 5: Prepping to go out

People were just fighting a few hours ago, your friend is balling her eyes out over a text her ex sent three years ago and your just ready for an Advil and a week’s long nap. Apply another layer of mascara, wipe Becky’s tears, and tell everyone to chill. It’s party time, and you’ll deal with the mess in the morning. Once everyone is out of the house you’re free and everyone is on their own. Make it to the first bar so no one calls you out for not making it out and call back your Uber, home girl you’ve deserved this nap. The time is 9 pm.

Stage 6: The morning clean up

You knew this was coming. Garbage bags, Clorox wipes and some acoustic coffee music to soothe the hangover and frustration from your new home, which could double as a landfill. You’ve done it though, now let the Instagram posts roll in with captions on how you threw the best darty of the summer and enjoy being your friends’ favorite person for a while.

 

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Katelyn
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Katelyn Reno is the Social Media Coordinator and Digital Marketing Associate for shopAKIRA.com. She has a passion for strong coffee, breakfast foods and befriending every dog in the world. If not found obsessing over new street style pieces, you can find her writing, reading or drinking a dirty martini (potentially all three). Follow her on social @katelynmreno

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